I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
