She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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