HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
