Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
