I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
