Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
