My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
one might say we're banned from that church
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
