I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups