Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
