ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.