i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16