So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
a search helicopter?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was