I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.