I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
