I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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