I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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