Already got asked if we're dating
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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