im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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