Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize