i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
