During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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