i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
