Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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