Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
