i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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