you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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