your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
