Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Non-Jews are for practice
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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