if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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