READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
