Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
