You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
