I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
