I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
