lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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