Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Houston, we have a blender
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
