Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
