I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
