Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
