New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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