apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
