I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
