hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So vagazzling was a success
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
