oh god the rape fog is back!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We are two peas in an std pod
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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