This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
