how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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