dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
