i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
