Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
