I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
