The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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