is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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