I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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