Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
