a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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