he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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