I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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