Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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