why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
