battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can you bring me the toilet please
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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