What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
