Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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