Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need moral support for this bender
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize