Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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