I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
