So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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