One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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