He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
