The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
