Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
