i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
