Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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