Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
