my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
